Do you ever feel?

All the inside jokes that you never understand but try to understand can be frustrating moments for you..

You feel that you belong in there but actually you never are..

Pretending that you are close but you never understand them..

Wondering if you still remember the moments together as it came across my mind every single day..

Feeling you should be happy but the thought that it's just for temporary makes you hurt..

The thought that the people you know right now can still be with you for a long time together until you die..

The changing characters and attitudes as time passes make you feel out of place..

Thinking if you are the first choice or just another options..

Too much thinking makes you feel you don't deserve anything..

Oh ini semua duniawi..

Dekatkan diri kepada Allah and prepare for the infinity and beyond..

                                                    Assalamualaikum..

Just a nightmare.

My first post in 2013.

I just hope that today was just a saddening nightmare for me.

Please God just take it all away from me. I don't want to face this.

I couldn't shout, I couldn't talk to anyone that actually care. They just laugh and laugh to my sadness.

I need somebody to talk to, that actually understand and sincerely care for me.

Let there be Sam and Patrick and Charlie into my life so that they can teach me the true meaning of friendship.

So many to talk to but this tiny fragile heart couldn't be strong enough to make them feel a burden for me.

I just want everybody to be happy with their life and not focusing on me.

But as a human with full of emotions, I can't resist all the attention that I actually need.

I'm not trying to be attention seeker or something but I need a little bit sincere care from them.

But I'm thankful enough to the fact that I can hear mama's and unnie's voice without them sobbing about me.

I'm dying to tell them what I'm feeling inside but I don't want to make them worry. 

I know everybody busy with everything and I know the fact that no one actually read this emotional-squishy post of mine, but...

This is the only way that can make my heart feel at ease.

Alhamdulillah, I'm still alive.